Kiss My Knits!

GM Vaschon: When last we left, your party had made it’s way down to the lower decks and located the first mate and bosum in the forward compartment. Palin was having a fit and rolling on the deck where the bosun was about to brain her for being unruly.

Aleanghi isn’t with us, but we’re proceeding anyway.

Palin: There were how many bad guys in the room?
GM Vaschon: There are 3 that you can see. A human firstmate, a half-orc bosun and what appears to be a human crewman on the far end of the room. There is a door to the aft, which you came in from, a ramp leading down in the center of the room and a large porthole on the starboard side of the ship.
GM Vaschon: The half-orc is about to brain Palin.
Veracity: Veracity doesn’t think that having an unconscious Palin is a good survival tactic. She pretends to stumble, being an abused slave and all, and falls into the sailor, hoping to disrupt his aim.
Val: Val stands there and thinks about selling his friends out for his own saftey versus their usefulness to him later.
GM Vaschon: Veracity ‘stumbles’ into the half-orc and the bosun brains her for her efforts.
Veracity: Oh yay.
GM Vaschon: The crewman on the far end begins to move forward to assist the bosun.
Val: Val yells at the two flippant women, “There’ll be hell to pay in the brig for your insolence!”
Palin: Chaaaarlie’s Angels…
Veracity: ((I thought Val was a slave too?))
Val: Val is a slaver
Palin: Val is the brains of the outfit. Take a moment and marvel at that.
Veracity: We’re all so dead.

GM Vaschon: Palin grabs the leg of the Bosun and pulls him down. The firstmate rushes forward, drawing his cutlass.
Val: Val walks over to Palin to stomp her head in and….SNEAK ATTACKS the bosun before doing so.

Val succeeds, but…

GM Vaschon: The firstmate yells, “Sound the alarm!”
Palin: Craaaaap.
Val: i really will regret saving your lives

Veracity: Veracity, from her prone position, casts Grease in front of the onrushing firstmate.
GM Vaschon: The firstmate fails his save and slips to the deck.
Torkal: I suppose Torkal is now going to hurt some bitches.
GM Vaschon: The crewman retreats toward to front and runs toward a brass bell.
Palin: Stop him!
Torkal: That would be the bitch Torkal is going to hurt.

Well, it’s on, so we all leap into action. Or would, if there weren’t a grease patch on the floor. Bentein tries to rush the bad guys, but falls and makes like a bowling ball instead.

GM Vaschon: The crewman arrives at the bell and sounds the alarm.

DOUBLE CRAP! Well, before the reinforcements arrive we should take these guys down if we can. Torkal does some serious damage to the first mate, then Veracity makes her move.

Veracity: okay, I’m stuck here with no weapons so all I have is some relatively weak magic. Veracity sticks out her hand and casts Chill Touch on the boatswain nearest her.
GM Vaschon: You going to remain prone on the ground?
Val: she does her best work on the ground.
Palin: HEYO!!!
Val: thank you, Heather.

She has to stand to cast her spell, so she does. And it fails to connect. Palin stands up and attacks the first mate that Torkal almost killed already. Weaponless, she lands a massive hit and literally punches him to death. Fists of fury! The crewmen continue to miss with their attacks. This is especially fortunate in the case of the bosun, who has been getting three attacks per turn, which means he must be a monk.

Palin: What kind of career is bosun for a monk? I mean, shouldn’t he be all holy and stuff? It just seems like a big drop, careerwise.
Veracity: half-orc monk boatswain slaver. There’s a hell of a story there (g)
Palin: “Sure, I could be a ninja, but what I really want to do is guard prisoners on an underground boat.”
Palin: If only the bosun were also seasick, that would really round out his character. A seasick former ninja underground pirate slave guard.
Veracity: I’m not kidding, there really has to be a convoluted backstory for that guy

Torkal takes his turn to distribute weapons to the rest of us, because I can only punch so many guys to death with my bare hands. Meanwhile, some of us are pulling some serious desperation moves. Veracity waves her wand of monster summoning. Did you know it summons different things if you’re on land versus on water? Because we sure didn’t!

GM Vaschon: As Veracity shakes her wand vigorously, you notice an odd figure through the porthole…
Veracity: it’s…it’s…..a PINK KRAKEN!
Palin: How the hell is that going to help us?
GM Vaschon: The octopus is roughly 5′ in length and attempts to thrust a tentacle through the porthole.
Veracity: Veracity points at the crewmember and shrieks, “GRAB HIM FIRST!”
Veracity: Veracity yanks the porthole further open.
Val: Val STARES at Veracity
Veracity: Veracity points at Val and shrieks, “TAKE HIM SECOND!”

Yyyyeah. A five foot long octopus is going to reach through the porthole and drag a sailor down to Davey Jones’ Locker. We’ll see how that works out during the next round of combat. Newly armed with her flaming greatclub, Palin attacks the bosun again and connects, knocking him to the ground.

Bentein: Bentein will do his best to keep the Bo’sun down. Do I need to grapple again?
GM Vaschon: You can’t attempt a grapple this round.
Bentein: All right, I’ll kick him in the nuts.
GM Vaschon: he’s a eunuch!
Veracity: That helps explain some of the evident unaddressed anger issues.

Palin is shot with a crossbow bolt tipped with blowfish poison. Then it’s on to the octopus! Go, octopus go!

GM Vaschon: The octopus swims lazily outside the ship, looking for a way in.
Palin: That’s one useful monster.
Veracity: Okay, if the thing can’t reach inside the porthole in the best movie tradition, I want him to scour the upper deck and haul every crewmember he can reach to a watery grave!

Give it up, Veracity. That octopus is useless. Meanwhile, Torkal and the bosun are locked in mortal combat.

GM Vaschon: Bosun uses his special kick attack on Torkal
Palin: He’s pissed that we tried to get him in the nards.
Bentein: Yeah, brings back painful memories.
GM Vaschon: The bosun attacks Torkal and lands a solid hit… Torkal is jawed for 8 damage.

As Torkal and the bosun remain locked in combat, Val sneaks in with his frost sickle and kills the bosun. Finally! Of course, there’s still a crewman shooting poisoned arrows at us. We hear a commotion nearby, and realize we only have a short time before the rest of the crew comes running. We polish off the remaining crewman while Val and Veracity search the bodies for keys to the prisoner’s cells. We don’t find any keys, but at least we do kill everybody before reinforcements arrive.

Now we just have to figure out what to do once everybody gets here. We think the room we’re in will be easier to defend than the hold, so we’re not going to retreat down there. We barricade the door as best we can. Meanwhile, Val and Bentein go downstairs to try to free the passengers and give weapons to anybody who can fight.

Palin: Maybe it’s not smart to split the party, but I for one am simply glad that nobody’s caught on fire yet.

Bentein and Val go downstairs to find 15 figures slumped over in cages. One of them agrees to fight with us. Better than nothing. He’s a half-elf named Joquil, and he’s a ranger. That’s a stroke of luck, because we can use someone to shoot at whoever comes through the door. He comes upstairs where Veracity gives him a shortbow and some leather armor. She’s already taken a shine to him, but that’s not surprising, since he’s male and breathing.

The rest of us upstairs take up positions behind whatever furniture we can while someone out in the hall attempts to bash down the door. It’s a tense moment! Veracity casts grease in front of the door, just as our enemies break it down!

GM Vaschon: Before you stands a rather large dwarven Captain, an elven Pilot, a kobold lookout, 5 human crew, 1 half-orc mate and a scraggly looking parrot.
Veracity: Veracity gives the elven pilot a disgusted look. “Aren’t you a disgrace to your do-gooder people!” she says to him.
GM Vaschon: The captain says, “Ye scurvy barnacles! Thinks ya can stow aboard and take what’s mine does ya?”

GM Vaschon: A scraggly parrot flaps in and circles the room.

GM Vaschon: The captain gives you the opportunity to lay down your arms and surrender before sending you to the deep. What are you trying to do Palin?
Palin: Convince him to run that half-orc through.
Torkal: Yeah, Torkal is throwing a f****** pickaxe.

Okay, I didn’t say it was a great plan. Veracity has a better plan, though, and hauls out her Wand of Webbing. She captures two pirates in the webbing.

GM Vaschon: The captain reiterates his demand you surrender. “Surrender and Ah’ll let ya live.”
Palin: I rather doubt that.
GM Vaschon: “Fight, and find yerself visitin the locker”
Veracity: Veracity decides, what the hell, let’s try to Fascinate some of them. She starts to sing.
Palin: I guess I’ll lay off the taunting, then.
GM Vaschon: The captain resists your charm… The elf resists your charm.
Palin: Then back to taunting!
GM Vaschon: The captain bellows, “Ye’ll need to practice yer singin missy!”
Veracity: Is the captain naturally resistant or what?
GM Vaschon: The captain is much higher level than your skill allows 🙂
Veracity: Veracity says, “Oh, to hell with this” and shoots at someone. The pilot, he pisses her off.

And as usual, it’s on! However, it’s also after midnight, and we’re short a wizard. We decide to wait until next week. Prediction for next week:

Torkal: We are gonna die like bitches.

Afterword:

Palin: Good game, guys. We survived the small battle with the ninja pirate eunuch monk and friends and freed the hostages. Technically.
GM Vaschon: You managed a pink octopus.
Veracity: But unlike movie krakens, he couldn’t even break in a porthole and strangle a sailor!
GM Vaschon: What do you expect from a level 1 wand? (g)
Veracity: Hey, how am I supposed to know what level it is? It says monsters, I expect monsters (g)
Palin: In a death match between that octopus and the parrot, I think the octopus would win.
Veracity: Yeah, if only the parrot would obligingly fly outside.

Until next time!