Kiss My Knits!

GM Vaschon: ok! When last we left our band of misfits… Your party returned to the spot where the lift was supposed to be
GM Vaschon: But appears not to be!
GM Vaschon: Palin, the beardless Dwarf is still under the effects of a mortal wound
GM Vaschon: You are at the intersection of a corridor. There is a passage leading North, East and South.

Since we’re not where we think we should be, we try to get our bearings.

GM Vaschon: Peering north, you see a corridor leading about 70′ ending at a large door. To the west you see a corridor roughly 70′ that appears to round to the northerly direction.
Palin: Aaaand east?
GM Vaschon: You see a wall.
Palin: And back the way we came? Does it still look like it’s supposed to?
GM Vaschon: Looking back, you see a corridor leading 50′ south ending in an intersection.
Palin: That’s right, isn’t it?
Aleanghi: yep
Palin: Okay, Palin’s taking out her chalk and marking on the wall. She can’t write, but she’s drawing a picture of a mushroom and drawing an arrow to the south.
Palin: “There.”
GM Vaschon: Palin draws an obscene gesture on the wall and marks it with an arrow leading south.

Aleanghi puts on her gogglethingers to try to detect magic.
Aleanghi: ‘I’m seeing a kind of…odd…window..effect to each of the corridors from here. North, west, and south.
Aleanghi: (I knew it! It’s that windows screensaver maze!)
Palin: Nothing good can come from Windows.

We need to find that lift, but we don’t want to get lost again. We decide to tie a rope to one of us…

Palin: “Nothing could go wrong with a plan involving rope.”
Veracity: “I knew you would instantly perceive the brilliance in this.”

…and attempt to see what’s on the other side of the windows. We further decide that rope or no, nobody should be alone in this place. Torkal will stay with Veracity, everybody else will go with the other end of the rope, including Spot the raven so Veracity can see what’s going on. We decide to go until we hit an intersection or the rope runs out, whichever goes first. We all start off, and then…

GM Vaschon: As your party attempts to move in a direction, you are stopped by an invisible barrier with a pair of familiar looking figures staring back at you.
Torkal: I swear to Christ I hate those cocksuckers.
GM Vaschon: “Leaving so soon?”, The sphinxters cackle with glee.
Torkal: I’m good, now. Sorry about that outburst.
GM Vaschon: “To see what is revealed our quiz you must solve! Failure to respond in the answer true will result in bad things for Yooou.”
Aleanghi: (I think that was pretty much all our reactions, Torkal)
Veracity: “Okay, kitties, what’s the quiz?”

GM Vaschon: I cut through evil like a double edged sword, and chaos flees at my approach. Balance I single-handedly upraise, through battles fought with heart and mind, instead of with my gaze.

Veracity: Veracity mutters, “Those things are really enjoying this much more than is strictly healthy. For us, anyway.”
GM Vaschon: What am I?
Veracity: “Justice?”
Palin: Beautiful. Yes. Blind justice.
Aleanghi: I like that answer as well.
Torkal: Right. We all get cake and blowjobs for finally getting one right.
GM Vaschon: One of the sphinxes gives Veracity a wild-eyed stare as the other sighs in disgust. *POOF* The lift appears, the sphinxes howl off and the barrier is removed.
Palin: YES!!!
Aleanghi: Aleangi beams!
Veracity: Veracity, regrettably, looks really, really smug.

Palin is so happy she gives Veracity a hug, much to her dismay. We all pile into the lift before something else goes wrong. We try to decide whether to heal me at the shrine or in town.

Aleanghi: ‘To the shrine, or all the way out?
Palin: Palin slumps against the wall in fatigue.
Aleanghi: ‘We’ll likely cross paths with other creatures on the way to the shrine. But if we go to town, there should be someone who can help Palin.
Veracity: “Shrine”. Veracity glances sideways at Palin. “She might not make it to town.”
Aleanghi: ‘She might not make it to the shrine either.
Veracity: “But the shrine is closer.”
Palin: “Standing right here, guys.”
GM Vaschon: To cure Palin’s wound in town will cost you 2000 gold
Veracity: Veracity repeats, more emphatically. “SHRINE.”
Aleanghi: ‘Very well.
Palin: Palin mumbles, “See if I hug you again.”

Astonishingly, we make it to the shrine safely! We all rest and heal up a little. There are various bits of business surrounding Aleanghi’s options as to multiclassing, Torkal’s dog’s awesomeness, and whether Val’s hair is responsible for his complete lack of injury during the last few encounters. The hair in particular is freakin’ hilarious but these writeups are sooo long already that I hate to make you wade through even more text, so Val’s hair hits the cutting room floor, so to speak.

We take a few moments to decide whether to soldier on in the mine and rescue the Dwarves in the jail or to go back to town and rescue the Baron’s daughter. How come everybody needs so much rescuing around here?

Val: well…we could go to town, have someone shake the idol, pretend it wasn’t us…and come to the rescue
Palin: Ha!
Palin: I mean, no.
Val: reap a reward…or at least improve our standing…then we’ll be superstars in the town
Val: and val will get an executive haircut
Palin: Spoken like a true thief, Val.
Aleanghi: Let’s go to town anyhow. I need the spells. But if you’re gonna shake ANYTHING, whether it be an idol or your groove thing, wait until I’m GONE, thankyouverymuch.

It’s settled. We decide to head back to town. Aleanghi can get her spells back there, Palin can rest and get her hit points back, and the following morning would make us be just in time for the scheduled return of the slavers who were in the secret cavern under the bar. We gear up and get ready to go.

GM Vaschon: Your party begins moving back toward the lift. You roud the corner and are greeted by 10 zombie dwarves…
Val: We paid our zombie dwarf tax already.
Palin: “They were sent as punishment for abandoning our brothers!
Veracity: “Um. They don’t look all that well.”
GM Vaschon: There is a dark robed fella in the back following them.
Torkal: Goddamn it, a necromancer too.
Val: Relax Torkal, it could just be a flasher.
Aleanghi: Hey! We found the guildhall!

Heh. Necromancer guildhall is funny if you play Dragonrealms. We leap into action!

Aleanghi: I got freaked and am doing rope trick and hiding out in the aether plane. Good luck!
Palin: Get your ass back down here.
GM Vaschon: Palin could attempt to get to the Necro, but would lose an Attack of Opportunity on herself.
Palin: Palin’s going to assume that Bentein is going to try to deal with the zombies and yes, hell yes she is going to wade in and try to smack the necromancer’s head from his shoulders.
Palin: Palin’s player had a day.
Val: Nick, just so you know, i just save stated…so if we lose…

Sadly, there is no saving in live D&D. I wade in with my new magic sword and miss. It’s the necromancer’s turn.
GM Vaschon: The necro takes a step back and decides against fireballing through his zombies and chooses another spell.
Aleanghi: But..but…who DOESN’T love zombiefirebowling?
Palin: I’m in the middle of the pins.
Aleanghi: yes, but he’d take down probably 1/3 of the zombies too…
Aleanghi: And you can be healed now…
Palin: Thanks.

Touching concern, Ale. The necromancer tries to get me and misses. Then Bentein rocks hard with Turn Undead.

GM Vaschon: The first 6 Zombies gasp a sigh of relief as they are released from their prison. They explode in a *poof*.
*GM Vaschon has left this chat.
Palin: NICK WAS A ZOMBIE!!
Val: Brett killed the DM
Aleanghi: ….YOU TURNED THE DM!!
Bentein: He was #7
*GM Vaschon has joined this chat.
Palin: And Bentein explodes my connection.
Bentein: We said you were a zombie.
GM Vaschon: I’m not a lesser undead, pfft.
GM Vaschon: Zombies are so menial.

Good point. The battle is rejoined. Val attacks the necromancer, but it turns out the necromancer has “reflect physical damage” so Val takes a couple of points of damage himself. A zombie attacks me and infects me with rot. Yes, rot. The rest of us get in occasional hits on the necromancer and each time we also take damage.

Palin: I think the necro is made of rubber and we’re glue.

But finally, finally, we kill the necromancer and the remaining zombies. Bits of me continue to fall off due to the rot, but there’s not much to be done for it right now. On the bright side, the necromancer was carrying a potion of remove curse, which will be great for finally removing my cursed ring!

Aleanghi: Let’s get that thing off her. Finally.
Val: Val uses the potion on the ring.
Val: Tell me the ring becomes something cool.
GM Vaschon: Val pours the potion on the ring, nothing happens.
Palin: Palin attempts to remove the ring.
Bentein: “She’s supposed to DRINK it.”
GM Vaschon: The ring remains stuck.
Torkal: Palin has to drink…
Torkal: Well, that was awesome.
Palin: Tell me there’s some left.
Val: oh come…
Torkal: Haha.
Val: lick it off th efloor!
Val: lick it off the floor!!!
Torkal: NOOB MOVE SON
Torkal: NOOB MOVE
Aleanghi: Did he pour ALL of it on?
GM Vaschon: Its a 1 use potion.
Val: lick it off the floor!!
Aleanghi: GAH!
Palin: Palin gets down on all fours and tries to suck it off the floor.
Veracity: Veracity stares at Val.
Val: i mean, where is the potion going to go? its stone floor
Palin: This may finally be a new low.
GM Vaschon: Palin begins licking the ground, where the potion has been poured and the zombies have exploded.
Palin: Oh God, zombie guts.
GM Vaschon: Palin ingests a fine mixture of remove curse potion, zombie guts and dirt.
Bentein: The potion is one use. You can drink a mouthful of it, and the rest becomes useless.
GM Vaschon: exactly
Palin: Palin collapses on the floor. It’s just all too much.
Palin: “I… I just wanted to help people.”
GM Vaschon: The Palin zombie begins to form.

Vaschon’s just kidding. No zombie Palin. Just a Palin sucking zombie sludge off the floor. She gets up and we all begin trudging back to the lift. We make it back up to the top floor as more parts continue to rot off of Palin.

Palin: Nobody within smelling distance of us is going to bother us.
Veracity: Veracity plans an immediate and lengthy visit to the local bathhouse upon the party’s return to town.

GM Vaschon rolls lots of 1’s and so we manage to avoid further zombie Dwarves and vampires and such. We emerge from the mine, back on the surface again.

Veracity: Into the clean open air and the smell of pine and charred wood from the time we set the forest on fire not far from here.
Palin: The forest had it coming.
GM Vaschon: Your party begins the journey back to town and arrives without incident. Along the travel, Palin’s rot disease burns itself out.
Veracity: Veracity steps away from her party, saying, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve had enough of you all for the immediate future. I’m going to the bathhouse. Don’t get arrested.” She starts to head purposefully up the road.
GM Vaschon: Klyx thanks your party for allowing him to join you and decides to take his leave.
Val: oh no
Bentein: “Be good, Klyx.”
GM Vaschon: But not before holding out his hand for his share of the gold.
Veracity: What? He didn’t ENJOY being our preferred whipping boy?
Palin: Oh, how I wish Palin had ever figured out that he had pickpocketed her.
GM Vaschon: Klyx walks over and thanks Palin and lauds her praises…
GM Vaschon rolled 1 20-sided die: 17
Palin: Oh no. Oh no.
GM Vaschon: Klyx pats Palin on her back.
Palin: Palin smiles. “Stay safe, Klyx.”
Val: Val wishes Klyx the best.
Val: Val also offers to act as a reference for Klyx should he seek a new job.
GM Vaschon: Klyx nods to each in turn, waves and moves toward the tavern.
Veracity: You’d think he hadn’t been having any fun or something.

We all head off to various taverns for some well-deserved rest and relaxation.

GM Vaschon: Palin attempts to buy a drink and thinks she misplaced her money purse.
Palin: SON OF A BITCH!
GM Vaschon: And on that note, we’ll pick up next week!

Sigh. See you all next time.