Kiss My Knits!

There’s a session tonight, and I never did blog last week’s! Shame on me!

We started in the necromancer’s chamber, which had a lever and a magic mouth that we monkeyed around with for a long time. (The illustration at right was the #1 image hit on Google for “evil mouth.” Close enough.)

Our bard traced a magical sigil that was on the wall, then touched it, and the magic mouth immediately started to scream. The DM described it as “an annoying scream, similar to the guy from Dumb and Dumber.” Anything but that!

Fortunately someone else slammed the lever to the right and the mouth shut up.

Then we got a bright idea to try to figure out how it worked that involved corpses and marble slabs. Sadly, due to the ear-splitting screams, we were interrupted by a patrol of kobolds before we could raise the dead. Our other Dwarf was napping (slacker!), so he took the brunt of the first wave of guards.

We dispatched the kobolds fairly quickly, but as the result of some spectacularly bad rolls, our bard struck a pose while firing her bow, tripped over her own feet, and skewered our mage. Of course, this was the same mage who shot the bard’s fascinated kobold, so I’m not entirely convinced there wasn’t an element of revenge here.

I say we dispatched the kobolds pretty quickly, but in fact we dispatched all the kobolds but one pretty quickly. Then we spent the next few rounds whiffing all around the leader. We finally knocked him unconscious. Or possibly he laughed so hard that he hyperventilated and fell over. Specifics aren’t important. What is important is that after he was prone, we continued to try to tackle him and still couldn’t land on him, even thought he was lying unconscious on the ground. Such is the magnitude of our suckiness. We hoped to question him about the mysterious screaming mouth, but instead our other Dwarf split him in half with his axe. His explanation? “Interrupted my nap.” Then he went back to sleep. And that was the end of that.

Finally, after much stooge-like futzing around, we figured out how to work the magic mouth. It began to speak rather than scream, a marked improvement.

A magic mouth says, “You have entered the necropolis of Krex the maligned.”

Mentally, I fill in, “For accounts payable press one. For human sacrifice, press two.”

The mouth turned out to have a very sarcastic sense of humor, and also informed us that things are going to be a lot harder than we thought, what with having to defeat a bunch of necromancers and find some stones and there being some undead wizard named Krex the Maligned who “is ever watchful.” Gulp.

Well, at least nobody got set on fire, in a first for our party.

That’s where we are now. Wish us luck.