Kiss My Knits!

Em’s been wanting the latest Barbie movie to come out – Barbie and the Diamond Castle. She had a tough day yesterday, so I rented it today. Later on I’ll be using my Women’s Studies certificate from UNC to paper a birdcage.

Em likes to watch these movies with someone – in this case, me. And as pointless as this emotion is, I get absurdly angry sometimes at all the BFF stuff in these movies because I worry about Emily’s social life. Maternal instincts aren’t rational.

A more reasonable objection: a plot point so far seems to be these heart-shaped necklaces that I know for a fact come packaged with the dolls. I guess that’s nothing new – I remember hearing that the Star Trek Vulcan IDIC symbol was introduced into original Trek as a way to sell merchandise. I guess if that tactic is good enough for Roddenberry, it’s good enough for Mattel.

So hey, let’s wash the taint of Barbie away with a site that comes by way of Cheryl. It’s Lovely! I’ll Take It! It’s “what were they thinking?” pictures of homes on actual real estate listings. Good for some belly laughs.

Let’s say you’re out and about, and you see someone engaging in the activity pictured at the right. Maybe you haven’t seen someone do that before. Maybe your grandmother used to do this a lot, and you want to talk to me about it (I get this a lot). Maybe you want to learn how but don’t think you’ve got the patience (that comes up a lot too). What’s the first question you ask? If you’re like some idiots, it’s this:

“Did you crochet that whole thing?”

Buh… I… whu…

I don’t mind that they called it crochet. Most people don’t know one needlecraft from another, so that’s not a big deal. It’s the second part. Did I do the whole thing?

No. I did not do the whole thing. In fact, I mail ordered 2/3 of a completed sock and walk around pretending to knit it so that I can impress people. Now that you’ve seen through my cunning ruse, I’ll have to send off for something else. Maybe a half a tapestry.

The other part of that is that it’s a little insulting. I can hear the “all by yourself?” on the end of it. As if somehow it’s beyond human comprehension that little old me could have completed this eighth wonder of the world.

Of course, given the number of people who see me knit the Jayne hat over and over and think I’m working on the EXACT SAME HAT every single time they see me, for months on end, maybe that’s not such a crazy idea.

Of course, I just smile and answer their questions, because anytime you knit in public, you’re like an ambassador from the magical land of Yarnia. You want to put your best foot forward in case someone ever decides to visit. Secretly, of course, you can wish that some people would just stay home.

It’s my husband’s birthday today! His favorite cake is carrot cake, but I’m mindful of the fact that he’s lost 50 pounds over the last year, and I don’t want to set his progress back. (I say progress, but he could stop right now and be right at the medically ideal weight for his height.) With that in mind, I found a recipe for carrot cake cupcakes that said it made 12 servings. Easier to see exactly how much you’ve eaten if one cupcake is a serving.

Well, you see how this turned out. Personally, I’d consider 24 or so cupcakes to be more than 12 servings. Maybe it means 12 servings if one of the guests is Michael Phelps. Also, I have a cup of homemade cream cheese frosting leftover if anybody local wants it. It’s not the frosting from the recipe – it’s cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar, and a little vanilla. Normally, I like to bring extra food to my dad when we’ve got something really tasty, but there are times when I weigh the wisdom of bringing a sugar bomb to a diabetic. Eh, he’s a grown man, he can make his own dietary decisions.

My weight’s going up tonight, and I don’t care. Dad, I’ll be foisting a couple off on you tomorrow – I’m not going out on my hubby’s birthday!

I spoke with Em’s speech therapist in the car line at school this morning (we opted to ride instead of walk).

It seems that yesterday Em sang a song from Enchanted for her speech therapist, Ms. Erickson. (I think it was probably this one.) Ms. Erickson liked it so much that they went to the music room and sang it for the music teacher. The music teacher liked it so much that she’s giving Em a solo in the fourth grade program. There are a lot of kids in the program, so mostly likely a solo is just one line, but still! Em’s been wanting a solo in the program every year so far. Last year she even sang along with the soloist on one line while standing in the chorus, to the titters of her nearby friends. This year she gets her own part. Yay!

You know, meeting her, you’d never think that she loved show biz. With the PDD-NOS, she doesn’t like to make eye contact, have conversations, or do other things that might make you think there’s an outgoing person in there. Yet last year she told jokes to the class while they would line up to go to lunch, apparently to good effect. It’s there, it just takes a little time for it to come out.

You know who she reminds me of?

Hee!

Workout clothes and busty lasses.

Wii fit, I really appreciate your enthusiasm for our well-being, but you’re starting to get a little creepy.

I’m waiting for the wii fit message that says, “You seem to be squinting. Have you considered getting your glasses prescription checked?” Or “I was speaking to the public library computer system. You seem to have an overdue book.”

Maybe I should rename it Hal.

I just love this rap that a woman at the Large Hadron Collidor did, mainly because everybody’s having such a good time. Emily wants to be an astronaut part time and a rock star part time – this young lady’s living the dream!

Em, going to bed tonight: I’m not really Giselle, I’m an evil queen in disguise! I have an evil plan! How can we break my spell?
Me: Maybe we can say some magic words! Like Alakazam! Or Bippity boppity…
Steve, suddenly entering the room: …BACON!
Em …
Me: …
Em: …
Me: Bippity boppity bacon?
Steve: Yes. Bippity boppity BACON!!
Em: (cracks up)
Me: That’s hilarious!
Em: (still cracking up, rolls backwards on her bed, throwing her legs up in the air) That’s hilarious!

Steve freely admits to lifting this from comedian Jim Gaffigan, who does a bit about bacon.

Who cares? It’s funny! And Em may have added “that’s hilarious” to her repertoire. It sounded like something she had latched onto. Fine by me. I’d rather have her cracking bacon jokes than hatching evil schemes.

Lately I’ve been getting to bed at a semi-reasonable hour, but last night I was up far too late. As a result, I don’t want to go running this morning, but I do want a bagel and a mocha so bad I can taste them. That’s how it goes – when I don’t have enough energy, my body craves the things it knows will give it energy, even if only in the short term. I’m okay with not running, since I walked Em to school this morning. On the return trip it was so misty that I had to take off my glasses. Back on the horse tomorrow.

I’m contemplating a fundraiser for my daughter’s school. There was a Donors Choose proposal that didn’t get funded before deadline, mainly because I didn’t see it until a few days before the deadline. I’ve talked to the teacher since then and she says that no, it doesn’t have to be that exact press, and no, she doesn’t need all the varieties of ink she asked for immediately. I think this project could be brought in for under $500, easy.

I’m debating whether this should be another “Jayne hat proceeds go to this project for a limited time” or just a ginormous stash sale. The stash sale would have the bonus side effect of also reducing the amount of clutter in my home. And really, I do have some nice things. Sock yarn from Creatively Dyed (one skein pictured at right), Koigu, Lorna’s Laces, Noro, Debbie Bliss, Mission Falls… it’s almost criminal that it’s going un-knitted. The last stash raffle I did raised over $200, but I might do just a straight bargain sale this time.

I’m still mulling over options, but what do you think? Straight sale or $10 raffle? Shall I release some of my gorgeous stash into the wild?