Here’s a Hellmann’s mayonnaise ad from the Sept 1942 Better Homes and Gardens. The buyer compares herself to inventor Ben Franklin because she’s invented a kind of mayo salad that will feed 50 for six bucks. Or, more likely, get her lynched by 50 servicemen angry that they had to eat it. Good thing she’s got her friend, a “Home Ec girl” standing up to support her, or the world might never have known the glory of the Ben Franklin salad!

Some of these illustrations are just fantastic out of context. How would you recaption the picture below? What the heck is really in that jar?

Last night in D&D:

• Our party discovered we’d been systematically pickpocketed by our hired help.
• We rescued some Dwarven miners and then accidentally set them on fire.
• I inadvertently tied myself to an oiled miner. A party member stabbed me trying to cut the rope.
• It took us three hours to open a door behind which another party member languished.
• My Dwarf’s beard was shot off by a fellow party member.

So all in all, a good night for us.

Man, do we suck.

From Sept 1942 Better Homes and Gardens. “A hit with the menfolks.” Features mascot Hot Dan the Mustard Man, who seems to have been the French’s mascot in the 30s and 40s. Sounds like an exclamation you say when something good happens. “You’ve got tickets to the sock hop? Well, Hot Dan the Mustard Man! We’re going to have a swell time!”

If the opportunity arises, I’m working this into conversation at tonight’s Books-A-Million knit night.

So a conservative friend of mine – yes, I do have a few conservative friends, bless their misguided hearts – took an informal poll around her neighborhood in Ohio. Based on the number of signs supporting McCain or Obama, she predicts McCain to take it.

So now, via , here’s a method which is just as scientific and infinitely cuter. I present to you http://yeswecanholdbabies.wordpress.com/ . Ask yourself: which candidate looks better holding a baby? THAT, my friends, is who will win the race.

Question! What do I do with my wedding dress?

Right now, it’s hanging in my daughter’s closet because there’s no room for it in mine. My daughter is nine years old and already up to my shoulders, so she’s going to outstrip me soon. There’s no way she’s going to be able to fit into this, assuming she wanted to wear it. I would never assume she would want to, mind you, but the option isn’t going to be there even if she did.

Also, I don’t think butt-bow poofy sleeves is going to come back into style – assuming it ever actually was in style. Hey, I was a Southern bride. That’s what we do. I looked like a giant marshmallow, but I was a stunningly beautiful giant marshmallow, so nyah.

On the up side, I’m pleased to see that my skin actually has cleared up a lot since my mid-20’s.

Anyway, I’m cleaning my stuff out of my daughter’s closet to make more room for her toys, currently scattered all over the house. There are business suits in there I haven’t worn in ten years. Even if I could fit into a size 8 again, I’d want new business clothes more suitable for someone – holy moly – 40 years old, which I’ll be next year. Those clothes, I’ve given to Goodwill. The wedding dress has been hanging in that closet for almost 15 years now, and I’m not sure Goodwill is the best use of it. Then again, maybe it is. I’m clueless.

The places that I’ve checked that want donated wedding dresses don’t take ones more than ten years old because they’re out of style or otherwise timeworn. Sooo… now what?

ETA: My mother would like me to clarify. Even if my DRESS looked large and poofy (although I loved it and loved wearing it), I myself looked absolutely beautiful. I know she thinks so, and yes, I do too.

“Have you ever sat, inches from death, not daring to move a muscle, while Zeros zoomed overhead — looking for you — personally?

“Well — that’s my act out here. And it might be a whole lot worse, ’cause, you see, in between Tojo and me there’s a magic veil that even those dirty little squint-eyes can’t penetrate — a couple of yards of lace net that remind me of —

“Say, isn’t it the darndest thing what a fellow thinks of out here? Lace Curtains! Female stuff!

“Maybe. But, to me, Mom’s lace net curtains always spell home. Whenever it was curtain-washing time, round our house, it was like being caught with your camouflage down!

“And Mom loved her net curtains, too. Never forget her working on Pop for new ones for the living room. She, allowing that hers were five years old and completely out of style … and Pop telling her they were as good as new! That made her boil! She’d claim she’d never buy Scranton Craftspun ones again — they lasted too long, with their tied-in-place weave.

“I don’t guess Mom’s think much of my new net ‘curtains’ — and I’m sure she’d never go for swapping her window screens for my Scranton mosquito netting. But I have a hunch that this year she’ll be humming as she washes those old Scranton jobs — happy she’s helping keep that little extra something between Tojo and me.”

Right now, the great looms that gave you exquisite Scranton Craftspun* Curtains and Lace Dinner Cloths are weaving weapons of war for the boys out there … camouflage nets and mosquito netting. Skilled workers, who sewed in hems and headings, are building parachutes. For, Scranton’s new line is the front line. So why not hang up a couple of Bonds instead — just between Tojo and you.

Last night I did a wash and, since it was night, set it to go in the dryer instead of hanging clothes on the line. Mr. Tvini gets up early and gets some clothes out and happens to leave the dryer door open, not thinking anything of it. I wouldn’t have either. The cat, on the other hand, seizes the moment.

Sigh.

You know, in addition to her ear infections, she’s also losing some hair on her back. The vet’s looking into it. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear the cat had deliberately taken the opportunity to spread her fur over the maximum possible number of clean clothes with the least effort. I guess it would be wrong to shut the lid with her in there,eh?

Oh, very well.

I need my energy, so I’ll be taking my daily vitamin. Looks like in 1943, large dose daily vitamins were fairly new. Behold an Oct 1943 ad for One-A-Day vitamins. Made by the makers of Alka Seltzer, the A&D supplement is equal to 1 1/2 teaspoons of cod liver oil. Buy yours today!

I just got a note saying that I’m up for jury duty. That’s not so bad, but according to Mecklenburg County’s jury duty security site, ” Knives, scissors, or any other sharp objects (including knitting needles longer than 3 inches) are not allowed into the building.” As my husband pointed out, 3″ = totally harmless. 5″ = unbelievable killing machine.

I’ll never make it a day without my knitting. I’ll snap. SNAP, I TELL YOU! So watch the news for reports of a deranged woman being hauled away, screaming, “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MY NEEDLES! KNIT FREE OR DIE!!”

Oct 1943 Better Homes and Gardens. The gist: there’s a paper shortage on so we may not be able to send you a catalog. Borrow your neighbor’s.

In wartime, I guess we big gals have to stick together.

I didn’t realize Lane Bryant was this old, but according to Wikipedia (article looks like it was written by the company) it’s been around since the turn of the last century, when founder Lena Bryant created the first commercially sold maternity dress. You learn something new every day!