Kiss My Knits!

I want to run today, and it’s not going to get above 50. I saw this coming last week, when the weather forecast turned bleak for the week. I wanted to keep running through the winter, and I only had one pair of good shorts and one good t-shirt, so last weekend I went shopping for cool weather running gear.

Now, we fuller-figured gals know that shopping for clothes anytime can be unpleasant. When I was a size 8, everything fit me perfectly and I could get in and out of a store in 15 minutes. Now that I’m… uh… no longer a size 8, it takes longer and I tend to get a little “HULK SMASH!” But I wanted to keep running, and I didn’t want to get hypothermia, so there was nothing for it.

I got very, very excited when I saw this little blue number on the hanger. Why? Because it would be so, so easy to pair it with black leggings (with shorts over, I’m not ready to shake my moneymaker quite that publicly) and then to sew a little Star Trek insignia on the chest. Presto! I’m a science/medical officer on the Enterprise, out for a morning jog.

The outfit is pictured at right. One hand is making the Vulcan salute and the other is apparently holding some kind of futuristic glowing power device. Or possibly a camera with a flash. Never let my valor be questioned, for lo, there is no bravery like that of a woman who displays what she looks like under the dressing room bulbs of death. “There Are Four Lights!”

What? I’m a great big geek! And I figure if sewing on the insignia makes me want to suit up and run, then it’s a good thing. Alas, even in size XL, this was far too clingy. I hadn’t realized when I put it on that it was compression gear. Supposedly it’s good for the circulation and muscles, but looking online, my suspicions that it’s more of a marketing ploy may be valid. Besides, neither I nor the world are ready for the sight of me bouncing down the street in skintight lycra.

The second thing about the compression gear is that it wasn’t so much that it didn’t fit because of my stomach, it was my bosom. Do big-chested ladies not run? What’s the deal, clothing manufacturers? It’s not like I have to special order my bras; I wear a regular size. I’m just, as my mother would say, “womanly.” Seriously, I’m not out there to show off the girls, I’m out there to exercise!

After trying on a few more things, I could feel a good head of steam building up. I was ready to let loose with a rant about how if you’re already in good shape, then your options are limitless. But God help you if you’re on the road to fitness but not there yet, because then you’re just out of luck! I was about to launch into it in the dressing room, and that would have been bad, because Dick’s Sporting Goods would have lost money when all the ladies in the rooms next to me left the store to get away from the crazy lady.

Anyway. At the end of the day, I came away with a pair of leggings, a long-sleeved shirt, and a third shirt which I’m going to take back because I wasn’t making the best decisions since I was all in a tizzy. A tizzy, I say!

So I’m about to grab a snack and knit some Jayne hats while I wait for it to warm up a little. Wish me luck – the cold and I are not friends, but I’m going to persevere!

Em has hives.

If you have a prom/bridesmaid dress that you don’t want anymore and don’t mind seeing destroyed, let me know. My daughter has just decided that I can make her a princess costume for Halloween. Which is next week. Great.

I figure I can do a really bad basting job on an over-the-top dress that nobody’s going to want, add a tiara, and we’re good to go. I’ll be hitting Goodwill later on.

This week’s session was a little lower key than usual, because we had some business to take care of at the start, what with leveling up and buying new supplies and one of our members going powermad and declaring himself the head of the party. Life of the party, maybe, head of the party, no. I picked up some more arrows. Our rogue picked up some more oil in case he wanted to set anyone else on fire.

On the way back to our certain doom, we noticed a body just outside the mines. Apparently it had been there all along, and we were so busy being gnawed on by giant rats that we didn’t notice it the first time we went in. Someone shot an arrow at us, so naturally instead of assessing the situation, my fellow Dwarf and I made a mad charge into danger.

We found three Dwarven miners tied up by mercenaries, mercenaries whom the party proceeded to beat the living tar out of. One enemy was set on fire, but that was intentional. Our rogue fell unconscious after untying a miner to fight on our behalf. Once he was free, the miner basically wet himself in fear and cowered. Unfortunately, since the rogue turned his back to the action to untie the captive, he got shot and fell unconscious. Now, some might say that turning your back on the enemy to free a captive who then refuses to fight may be a foolish action, but I say it was actually very noble and helpful. I credit our party’s lack of accidental burning to the rogue’s unconsciousness. Kudos, rogue!

We killed all our of enemies except one, whom we decided to keep for questioning. I got out my rope and narrowly avoided tying myself to him. Based on past performance, I credit that as a win. Then we untied the Dwarven miner captives, who were so ticked off at having been captured that they promptly bludgeoned the bound mercenary to death. So much for information.

It was at this point that our rogue, no longer unconscious, managed to antagonize the former captives to the point that they started whaling on him with their bare hands. We managed to pull them off of him and got some good info. We also got a really cool coffer as a reward from the miners. The catch is that the key is somewhere in the mines, aka The Tunnels of Humiliation and Burning.

All in all, it was a good session, with a lot of good setup for next time. We all lived, no party members were set on fire, so let’s call it a success! Yay!

CrazyCatLadyMel posted a link to this little gem. For those who like Pushing Daisies and pie, someone came up with a recipe for apple pie with gruyere baked into the crust, kind of like the pie that Chuck bakes for her aunts, except without all the homeopathic antidepressants she added. I cannot promise I will use lard, but I must make this pie.

My good friend the garden spider has finally gone. In exchange, I get these jokers all over the yard. They’re about as long as my index finger, they’re everywhere, and for some reason, they like to make their webs at exactly Tvini-face-height. Why? WHY??

I should not have to don a fencing mask to hang out laundry.

I want my garden spider back.

ETA: Pics from the upcoming new Star Trek movie. I really hope this doesn’t blow, but let’s face it. Even if it the reviews are awful, I am THERE, baby!