Kiss My Knits!

Last night I dreamed that I auditioned for a part in a stage musical. My voice was very good, but after the song, I realized that given my current weight, I really wasn’t right for the role.

When I have a dream about my weight, it means that my subconscious realizes that I’ve gained a little, whether I know it consciously or not. I weighed myself this morning for the first time in weeks, and sure enough, I’m up almost one pound. It’s not terrible, but it’s not the direction I want to be going in, either.

I’ve been sick, and because of that, I haven’t been exercising. Without much energy, I’m turning more to comfort foods. My comfort foods aren’t exactly celery sticks and rice cakes.

I don’t have much energy and I still have a cough, but really, how bad is that? This time last week I had a raging fever and couldn’t breathe through my nose. Am I resting just because I need the rest or am I also doing it because it’s easy?

When I start feeling like I don’t have much energy, an image sometimes comes to my mind. It’s of my mother, when she was in chemotherapy (she’s fine now, it’s not that kind of story). There was something we needed from downstairs in her house. I would have been happy to get it for her. Her husband would have been happy to get it for her. But she plowed on down the stairs anyway.

As she was climbing the stairs from the bottom of the house back up to the top, she had to pause a couple of times to catch her breath. It wasn’t a long staircase, but the chemo reduced her iron levels and she physically didn’t have the energy to continue for a moment. But she still went down the stairs, and she still went up.

Now, I’m not my mother, and I don’t think I have to do everything she does. I don’t think she’d want me to live my life that way anyway. But the fact remains, I saw her go up and down those stairs. She was poisoned, but she kept living her life as best she could. Because what else can you do?

All I have is a little low energy and a cough. I think I can walk up the street. It’s time to get out and do it.

I need to live life. Because what else can I do?