Kiss My Knits!

GM Vaschon: Alright, when last we left, the group had surprisingly defeated the hill giant envoy and captured his documents. We left the chamber where the giant was and proceeded onward. Soon…
Your party continues west 30′ and up ahead you see a large stone slab in the center of the passage.

It’s the same freakin’ slab that sliced us to ribbons before. And it’s in a different place. This is one weird area. The slab is eight feet high and we fall all over ourselves trying to get to the top of it. (Unfortunately, these reports keep running longer and longer and something’s got to get cut, so us acting like morons trying to get to the top of the slab gets the axe.) We are finally all together, able to cross the top of the slab to avoid the whirring blades of death. Then we all roll spot checks which we all fail, so whatever’s coming for us will have a nice easy shot at us. Wait, wait… Aleanghi didn’t fail!

Aleanghi: Aleangi hisses “Up ahead, flapping things, and something hanging from the ceiling. About 30 feet ahead. Be ready.”
Val: “Maybe its a vampire.”
Val: or a vampire’s assistant
Aleanghi: Aleangi smirks.
Aleanghi: “Keep Veracity back, if it is.”
Palin: Maybe Flambe’s having a rave. Are they all waving sunrods?
Veracity: Veracity snorts. The raven chirrs.

Torkal takes lead with Palin behind. Val and Veracity ready their crossbows. Aleanghi loses connection. Wuss.

GM Vaschon: As your party moves west, a large group is stirred from their resting place. They make odd noises as they flap towards you.
Palin: NOT AGAIN!!
Veracity: Oh crap.
Palin: I never got all the blood out from last time.
Torkal: Get ready for BASEBALL! Batter up!

Aleanghi casts a sleep spell at the stirges, knocking three of the eight out of the air. They’re too far away for the Dwarf twins to knock down, so we wait.

GM Vaschon: Palin assumes a stance.
GM Vaschon: Bentein
Bentein: Any awake ones left?
Palin: Heyyyyy batta batta batta…

Bentein takes the lead and rushes forward.

Bentein: Bentein will try to smack one out of the sky with the flail.
Veracity: Like mosquitoes in cottage country.

Bentein does in fact kill a stirge. Yay! As a result, the stirges are so enraged that they all attack Bentein.

GM Vaschon: Stirge 8 attacks Bentein and attaches itself to him.
Bentein loses 4 hps and 2 con in round 1.
GM Vaschon: nom nom nom

Two stirges are attached to Bentein. It’s Val’s turn. He decides to attack a stirge, but then there’s some confusion. The DM tells him to proceed, and then…

Val: eh nah
Val: i’ve come up with something more interesting
Val: we’ll all regret this later.
Val: Val is going to wrap his silk rope around the neck of the Bentein Stirge and choke it off of him
Palin: Oh dear.
Bentein: Oh god.
Palin: Is “choke the stirge” some kind of D&D euphemism?
Torkal: I’m going to choke the chick– er.
STIRGE.
Val: Val takes out his garrote.
GM Vaschon: Val changes weapons and approaches Bentein with a crazed look in his eye.

Awesome. The rest of us try to get the other stirge off of Bentein and fail. Veracity’s up! She chooses to use Chill Touch on one of Bentein’s stirges. This is a great idea, except that apparently it also hits Bentein since the stirge is attached to Bentein. Oops. Fortunately, Bentein’s rolls are excellent for the night and he resists. Torkal finally pulls out the stirge on Bentein’s neck.

GM Vaschon: Palin
Palin: You know, I kind of don’t want to do anything, just to see what Val can do.
Veracity: Torkal is now enmeshed in a passionate embrace with a large, hungry, irritated and writhing mosquito.
Palin: Is there one still asleep?
GM Vaschon: No, just one remaining on Bentein’s leg
Veracity: Oh, is Torkal’s dead?
GM Vaschon: No, Torkal is gripping his stirge with both hands!
Bentein: And choking it!
Veracity: That’s what I thought 😛
Palin: Ah! Then Palin’s going to attempt to club Torkal’s stirge.
Torkal: Wait a second. You probably just hit TORKAL!
Palin: Piffle.
Val: keystone cops
GM Vaschon: Palin is successful in striking the Stirge!… And Torkal!
GM Vaschon: The stirge is pummeled out of Torkal’s hand and is now splattered on the ground… Torkal meanwhile takes 7 damage to his hands.
Palin: Sorry!
GM Vaschon: But they aren’t broken! Just slightly burned
Palin: We’ll ice them. Good as new.

Veracity: Veracity, impressed by Bentein’s strong will and stoic demeanor, decides to try Chill Touch again on the last stirge hanging off of him. First, however, she suggests to the raven that it might want to try pecking out the thing’s eyes to distract it.
Palin: Nice!
Veracity: ((I have no idea how familiars work. Can it do that? Do I have to roll for it?))
GM Vaschon: Your familiar can attack it. It rolls your strength bonus. You can’t target specifics though.
Veracity: hah – STR is a big +1. But I can target the stirge and it will zero in, at least?
GM Vaschon: Yup!
GM Vaschon: It might hit Bentein though
Veracity: assuming I can roll more than, oh, 2. What the hell, Bentein is stoic.
Bentein: He is.
Veracity: ::cavalier dismissal of a possible raven beak impalement of Bentein’s parts::

It works! The stirge, finally full of blood, fall off of Bentein. It explodes all over the walls like a watermelon at a Gallagher show.

We continue on, coming to another door.

GM Vaschon: The door appears free from traps.
Val: Val pulls on the door.
GM Vaschon: Nothing happens.
Val: Val…pushes on the door
Palin: heh.
Torkal: Hahaha.
GM Vaschon: Val realizes he’s not strong enough to open it.
Val: Val calls over the keystone cops
Veracity: Maybe we’ll be lucky. It will be a pretty, pretty princess with her pet pony, sitting on a mound of gold and gems, waiting to be rescued.
Torkal: Torkal assembles and rolls up.
Val: ROLL OUT!
Palin: Palin pushes.
Bentein: Bentein does too, hands on door.
Veracity: “Does it slide?”
GM Vaschon: Your party gathers together and pushes open the large stone door…
Veracity: Veracity stands back and watches. Since it is sort of crowded there.
Palin: It’s Scrooge McDuck’s vault.
Torkal: DUCK TALES!
Val: swimmable gold coins?
GM Vaschon: Before you is a monstrous sized cavern. There is a stone bridge leading southward into the darkness. To the sides of the bridge are what appear to be giant mushrooms spaced out to the south east and southwest.
Palin: ooooookay.
Veracity: mushrooms!
Val: is tom petty sitting on one of them?
GM Vaschon: Peering (not Peeing) over the bridge you see a large body of water roughly 100′ below.
Palin: I am suspicious.
Palin: Probably mer-stirges in there.

We decide to stop for the night. We’ll pick up in the mysterious cavern of mysteriousness next time!