How Babies Are Made
Em’s favorite book right now is this little gem from 1974, How Babies Are Made. It has paper cutouts of plants and animals and explains how things go, even showing a cutout man and woman tastefully covered up in bed. It’s extremely straightforward and age-appropriate. She likes for me to read this to her every night and answer questions. She had a lot of questions at first, like “Does having a baby hurt?” I fudged the answer, telling her it is uncomfortable, but there are medicines you can take so it doesn’t hurt. Sayeth Em, “I want those.”
Other questions include “What if the father had the baby,” “What if the baby doesn’t want to be born,” “What if the baby could take the umbilical cord home and play with it,” “Is there a way you can make yourself have twins,” and this classic about sperm coming out: “Like poop?” I feel like we’ve pretty much got everything straightened out as to how reproduction takes place, at least as much as is appropriate for a ten-year-old.
And so, with that background in mind, Em’s take on human reproduction, starring a salt and pepper shaker. Feel free to click to see larger versions.
Here’s Ms. Salt and Mr. Pepper. I love that she goes with “Ms.” instead of “Mrs.” That’s my girl. Ms. Salt and Mr. Pepper are keeping their distance in this photo for some reason, but that’s not stopping Mr. Pepper’s sperm from making their way to Ms. Salt. They both look pretty happy about it.
Em’s current favorite word, by the way, is “ovary.”
Fast forward to Ms. Salt, pregnant with a tiny little spice bottle. Awww. They both look so happy.
Whoa, not so happy anymore! No epidural for Ms. Salt! But she’s having a beautiful bouncing pepper shaker, so it’ll all be worth it. I like that a female Dr. Salt is delivering the baby. The book doesn’t mention midwives, but we’ve also talked about those. Note giant umbilical cord. I’m betting Baby Pepper is going to bring it home and play with it.
Em told her class on the first day of school that this was her favorite book, so she may become “that kid” on the playground that everybody else learns from. Maybe she can demonstrate with condiments in the cafeteria.
your daughter is so awesome 🙂
That is just so awesome! And I love the drawings.
Our house lacks such instructive and amusing condiments. Although we did tell our littlest that peas are “baby” olives to get her to eat them.
Fantastic!
I had that book!!!! I never got the birds and bees talk either! I learned from that book and a bunch of tawdry Harlequin romances! 😀 Oh and yes, biology class. The textbook texts leave much to be desired.
Clever!
Thanks. I agree. 🙂
Thanks! Her art does a good job at conveying what she wants it to. Perhaps she can have a career in cartooning!
The book is great! It was actually mine when I was a child, and my mother kept it for 30 years for me. This is definitely a book that should be brought back into print.
Thanks! I look forward to having a peppery little grandbaby someday.
Awww. Little Tellicherry.
These are awesome. Em is an imaginative and funny kid!
Hysterical!
Love Em stories!
Emily is going to be famous one day. I know it! She has a great comedic sense! She enjoys showing her ideas through pictures. And she’s a beautiful young woman. Her future is so bright, she needs to wear shades! 🙂
What a great post! I think I learned from those pics because I wasn’t blessed enough to have the book. Now, I have the overwhelming urge to go check to make sure that all of my seasonings are far apart!
– J.P.
You should do that. You don’t want to know where garlic salt comes from.
Heh. I tried explaining that phrase to her once and she thought I was crazy.