Kiss My Knits!

Palin: Okay, I have to warn everybody up front that I only got a few hours of sleep last night, so I am prone to do something unexpected, like fall asleep or charge into the fray.
GM: So in other words, a normal week!
Palin: touche.

We start on an up note, managing to convince the three formerly captive miners to repair the machinery which pumps water out of the flooded areas of the mine, so that hopefully we can get past them without drowning.

Step one: transfer power from the main elevator to the secondary one, so that we can descend on that secondary elevator to a control room. On the way to the main elevator, we encounter six stirges. These are apparently giant double-winged mosquitoes on steroids.

I kill the first. One stirge gets in a hit on Val, and another one attaches itself to me and starts sucking me dry. Great.

Veracity: Veracity takes a whack at the stirge stuck on Palin with her flail.
onlinehost Mafion rolled 1 20-sided die: 1
Aleanghi: Uhoh
GM Vaschon Unfortunately, that’s an auto hit on Palin.
Veracity: And…..is so grossed out that she – uh……
Palin: What??
Veracity: Don’t I have to confirm that or something!
Palin: I can confirm that it HURT LIKE HELL.
Val: Veracity is quickly making Val seem more and more helpful, in contrast to herself.
GM Vaschon Veracity, out of a scene from some comedic movie tells Palin to hold still while she hauls back her flail and whacks Palin.
GM Vaschon Palin takes 5 more damage.
Veracity: Veracity says frantically to Palin, as she makes ineffectual fabbing motions at the stirge, “Sorry sorry sorry!”

GM Vaschon Klyx asks Palin if she wants him to burn off the stirge.
Veracity: LOL
Aleanghi: ROFL
Torkal: YES
Palin: What… the… NO! Palin flails frantically!
Torkal: Going for the unattached one first. If I cleave, can I cleave at the attached one? Because what Palin needs is some axe.
Palin: This is going to end well.

Miraculously, I am neither set on fire nor split in two. Next round!

Val: The stirge is on what part of Palin?
GM Vaschon (rolls to determine) Chest.
Val: okay, goodie
Palin: There is a giant mosquito suckling on my chest.
Torkal: I am so turned on.
GM Vaschon The stirge mutters giggity.
Torkal: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Palin: Something is wrong with both of you.
Veracity: grin
Aleanghi: Seriously.

Torkal attempts to grapple it off of my chest (insert your own joke here) and fails. I attempt to remove it from myself and fail. In fact, we never do get the darned thing off. It finally eats its fill and falls off. And then…

GM Vaschon The satiated stirge explodes, sending a splattering of Palin’s blood all over the walls and adventurers. *splat*
Val: Val covers his hair.
Torkal: Torkal doesn’t appear impressed, though he does lick his lips.
Palin: Palin tells the (formerly captive) Dwarf, “It’s usually not this disgusting.”
Bentein: “Yes it is.”
Palin: “Shh!”
Palin: I thought fire was bad, but exploding giant mosquitoes is a whole new level of awful.
Veracity: Veracity announces, “That was just disgusting. This is NOT the romance and adventure I was told about when I set out on the hero’s path.” She swipes at the blood spattered across her face, managing to smear it revoltingly.

We kill all the stirges and literally less than a minute later have another encounter. Thanks, GM! It’s a Dwarf. I greet it in Dwarven and it answers in Common. Hmm… suspicious. It says it’s a miner and it works a few levels down, and it asks to join the party.

Palin: “So you were one of the silver miners?”
Val: woo trick question
GM Vaschon The dwarf nods.
Val: ?
Palin: AHA!
Torkal: Torkal’s eyes narrow.

Why was that a trick question? We’re in an iron mine. Sneaky, eh?

Palin: “Why don’t you go back and join your fellow miner?”
(Private chat:
GM Vaschon: What is Palin thinking?
Palin: Palin’s going to try to bash him on the head and knock him out.)
GM Vaschon The dwarf looks at Palin and decides to make a run for it.
Palin: Crap. Palin attacks!
Turns out it’s a doppelganger. They can read minds. Who knew? So we all attack! Val even throws a grappling hook at it, which miraculously misses me and hits the faux Dwarf.

GM Vaschon The doppleganager looks severely wounded. Seeing no escape, the doppleganger attacks Palin.
GM Vaschon The doppleganger punches Palin for 3 damage.
Palin: Why am I the buttmonkey tonight?
Veracity: Animal magnetism. Palin has it by the bucketful.
Palin: That’s just the blood.

Pretty soon, the fake Dwarf is dead. I must say, though, that the glee with which my compatriots tore into the doppelganger Dwarf is a little unsettling. We finally reach the lift, pull the proper lever, go to another lift, and start our descent toward the room where our Dwarven friends can repair the mine’s machinery.

And that’s the first half of the session, where I’ll stop for now. Don’t worry, it gets much, much worse. Sigh.